Sweden's Journal
by janeisadora99
Summary: Sweden decides to keep a journal about his life... or Finland's mostly. T for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

December 31, 2013

** Sweden's Journal - Entry One**

_So I've been told that keeping a journal is helpful with being nicer and more open. I guess this will help me be nicer to Tino. I feel terrible all the time, making him scared or hurt. I don't mean to, it just... happens. I hug him, and he squirms away. I talk to him, or ask him a question, and he shies away. I gave him a kiss earlier and he screamed! Why doesn't he love me? I love him, and I try to show it. He's just so... so... Dear God, why did you do this to me? Why did you make me scary? I don't want to scare Tino, I want to love him, and hug him, and make him feel good. I know part of it is from his stay at the Slav bastard's house, and I wish I could help him, but he doesn't even like to look at me! I bet he hates me._


	2. Chapter 2

December 31, 2013

**Sweden's Journal - Entry Two**

_Ugh, twice in a day? Mm. We didn't post about it, but Fin stubbed his toe and I hugged him, right? Well I sorta... um... cracked one of his ribs. I didn't try to hurt him, but he's so much smaller than me! I felt really shitty having to bring him to the hospital. He hasn't spoken to me since! I said sorry, but he just made this weird squeaky noise and shuffled off to our room. Maybe I should just leave him alone. It's pretty obvious he hates me now. I hurt him and scare him all the time! I want to cry, but I can't. Tino cries enough for me, and because of me..._


	3. Chapter 3

December 31, 2013

**Sweden's Journal - Entry Three**

_Another New Year's. Alone. I'd usually have a nice dinner with the wife and clink glasses at midnight, but as he isn't talking to me, that didn't happen. Only words he's said since the hug incident are "You crushing me in my sleep will make my ribs worse" when I tried to crawl into bed with him. Guess who's sleeping on the sofa tonight? I've done so much to make him love me - get Peter, the dog, tailor his clothes, redecorate our room to his specifications, make him cake, but he still hates me! I've never truly been mad at him, or tried to hurt him, but he still avoids me. When will it get through that I love him? Why doesn't he love me back? I just want to be with him - it's all I ask. We could be starving to death on a city street corner, and as long as we're together, I'd be happy. Just being on the sofa, not wrapping myself around him, keeping us warm, hurts. It hurts my heart..._


	4. Chapter 4

January 1, 2014

** Sweden's Journal - Entry Four**

_He talked! Tino talked to me! It was only to make fun of me a bit, but he sounds much happier today! I was about to hug him right then and there, but he still has wraps around his chest, and I wouldn't want to hurt him or scare him around Norway. He might set a troll on me or something!_

I've just realized recently that I act very different in my journal than I do in real life... Huh.  
Well, this is a rather short entry.


	5. Chapter 5

January 2, 2014

** Sweden's Journal - Entry Five**

_Today Finland was looking a bit ill, so I got him some of that salted licorice he loves. I held it out to him, and he said he didn't want it! I hope there's nothing wrong with him. He usually eats that stuff all the time! That's pretty much what Tino's kisses taste like, in the rare chance I can get one. I just feel so... empty seeing him sad. I don't want to make Fin sad, I want him to be happy! Do I make everyone this depressed? I just... just... Agh! I should be more open. This is MY journal.  
I love Finland. I want him to be happy. I want him to be my wife. I want him to love me.  
Why is he sad around me? Why is it so hard to coax a smile out of him when we're alone?  
I just want us to be happy. Together. Is it something I do? The way I talk? I can change. I'd do anything for him. I hope he knows that._

_If by some chance you read this journal, Tino, know that I love you, okay? I really do. _


	6. Chapter 6

January 3, 2014

** Sweden's Journal - Entry Six**

_Fin ate the candy I got him yesterday, and I learned one of the things I do that makes him not like me. My smile. I smile so rarely, only when Tino is happy, or he smiles at me. Now that I know it bothers him, though, I'll do my best to smile less and/or help him be less scared of it. I wonder what really did happen to him at Russia's... maybe I could ask the Baltics, they were there most recently. I just want my wife to be happy._


	7. Chapter 7

January 14, 2014

**Sweden's Journal - Entry Seven**

_Huh. I forgot about this thing. This'll be quite the entry._

Last week, around, oh, the 5th? I made Finland some cake, and he said it was delicious! He has very -very- odd tastes, so being complimented is quite the achievement. I love making him happy. It always brings the cutest little smile to his face.

Speaking of smiles, there's something... off about him. He seems kind of depressed recently. Fin's been brushing off my compliments with a "No, I'm not" or "Yeah, right!" a lot recently. He also has used some rather mean words to describe himself. I really hope he's not too sad. Maybe I said something? But then again, I don't really say anything. Oh, it must have been Denmark! That stupid wannabe-German asshole never can keep his mouth shut. I'll ask Tino about it later. I wouldn't mind having a reason to beat the shit out of Matthias for once. My poor wife... always under criticism from the other nations. How can they even find flaws in him? Fin's perfect! Polar opposites from me.  
Let's make a list, hm?

* * *

_Tino:Cute  
Me:Scary_

_Tino:Loud and happy  
Me: quiet and depressing to be around_

_Tino:Sociable  
Me:Awkward_

_Tino:Perfect  
Me:Not_

* * *

_Huh. How does he even want to go near me? I'm exactly what Tino hates. Hates! Then again, he doesn't really like to go near me, anyways. He flinches every time I look at him, and actually screamed the other morning when I hugged him! He apologized and stuff, but it doesn't change the fact that he is legitimately terrified of me._

I've been looking through my previous entries, and realizing something. All I do is talk about Tino. OH GOD. If he finds this journal he'll think I'm some creepy stalker! I don't want him to be even more scared of me! Fin's such a sweet, charming person, I'd hate to be separated from him...


End file.
